Wow, what a weekend!!  I have just returned Nicholas, my friend’s little boy, to his house.  His mommy and daddy had a weekend away in Rome and he and his sisters were farmed out for sleepovers with friends.  He was an incredibly good little boy, all weekend, but one more child really DOES add that much more chaos to a home!  We also had another friend over Saturday night with her kids (8 little bodies tearing through the house)… and then she returned today (8 little bodies tearing through the house) to watch a movie with me.  For some reason, it looks like there were 8 little bodies tearing through the house all weekend, but you know, we’re all happy.

Three weeks from now I will hopefully have my children’s cases packed ready to fly to Mammy’s house.  Our tickets are booked for the 12th June.  I will stay overnight in Scotland then return to Belgium the next day.  I will have the afternoon and evening of the 13th June to make sure everthing is ready for the movers to arrive on the morning of Wednesday 14th.  Len and I will be staying with our friends (Nicholas’ parents) until the 22nd June and I will use those 10 day to finish clearing/cleaning the house and tying up loose ends here.

I am wired!!  My friend Susan keeps telling me “but you’ve done so much already, it will all come together"… but when I look around me I just can’t see it.  I have removed much of the structure of the house… beds, couches, shelves, wardrobes, tables… gone. Things I didn’t want to move with us… gone.  But so much of the paraphernalia that used to sit, lie and hide in these things is still here, cluttering… tripping me up. I feel like my life is like a pile of stones, stacked one by one on top of each other, somehow holding together with no mortar, amazingly creating a fortified wall… I am just waiting for, but hoping that “the big wind” doesn’t blow. 

I am at the place where none of this seems real - and I can’t really even fathom that my life is ever going to be different than it is right now.  I can’t see myself walking through a new front door or imagine what the water of a different shower will feel like.  Where will be my favourite grocery store be? Will I find another quiet corner in my new world to steal away to for 5 minutes?  What is the impact of this change and upheaval going to be?  Is this really happening? 

Big Wind blow, but please wait, I’m not quite ready…