I wrote this in response to a recent comment....

Dear Sarah,

Thanks for the comment and the 2 hours of poring over my site!  (OMG 2 hours??!!!) You words were very kind, and yes, I feel very fortunate about my life, but I feel like I should let you know that I’m not the most honest of bloggers.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing I write is false or even altered… but for the most part I only blog the good stuff.  It bugs me that I hold back - but the rough stuff is hard to know how to blog about.  Then there’s all the things I can’t/won’t blog about; things about my parents, sisters, arguments with husband, friends that piss me off and deeply personal things about me or my family.  Deep inside I am a truly private person.

I don’t hide behind an alias (although I often think I should have done) so I feel I really limit myself in what I can actually blog about.  My site has become (well I started blogging for this reason) a place where I can let my far-flung-friends/family keep up with the kids and the general, day-to-day of my life.  But it rarely goes deeper than the surface.

I also tend to leave out things about me personally that I feel don’t show me in the best light - for example when I shout at the kids (then feel horrible about it), when I’ve put on weight (and am seriously pissed off with myself because of it), when I’m too lazy to clean the house (and get depressed about the mess I call home) etc… Why do I edit all the crap out of my life before it goes online? I don’t know - I guess I want to be liked, or I’m insecure but more than that I think I just prefer to see my life through the rose coloured glasses of ‘Amber… Bamberboo’.  No, I’m not delusional, just an eternal optimist.

I think this can give a bit of a skewed perception of my life, who I am and how “lucky” I am.  Let’s face, it we can be whoever we want to be on the internet, can’t we?  The truth is I am extremely normal and I face all the normal family, relationship and personal struggles everyone else does.

In my case, what’s up here on my blog is all true.  My kids ARE the most amazing creatures on the planet, I do have a wonderful, loving husband, I am a great mom and wife, and I am fortunate to get to live a life that is magical in many ways.  But there is always more… and the more is what I omit from the blog.

I am touched that you found hope in what I have chosen to put on line, but concerned that you (or anyone else) might hold what you’ve read about me as some sort of unrealistic touchstone.

I have wittered on a bit (sorry) but this has been something that has been playing on my mind for a while… more than just being a response to your comment (and other comments and emails like this) I plan on posting this on my site.  Hope you don’t mind.

Please don’t think that I am playing down the ‘wonderfulness’ of my life - just trying to put a little honest perspective on it.

I am sorry about your wedding (I once had a broken engagement and a broken heart) and I know how difficult it is to be at a loss and a crossroad at the same time… Keep hoping, and finding hope where ever you can and by all means try and find yourself some rose-coloured glasses!!

Thanks for taking the time to read…

xx
Amber